Kevin's Testimony
Introduction by Dr. Bruggeman: The following is a personal testimony from Kevin who has graciously given me permission to post it. He recently presented it via conference call (due to Covid) to a men’s prayer group with which he has been affiliated for many years. I have a few comments following his testimony.
Good morning, prayer group brothers. I am honored to be able to share my testimony with you this morning. Some of you may remember parts of my story from ten years ago when I spoke to you in person. But I told Julie that some of you are new since then and that some of you would not remember due to our senior status!
I was raised in the Methodist Church, the son of a preacher’s son. Granddaddy was from the old school – very stern, dressed in black suit and hat with his white shirt buttoned to the collar. I vaguely remember hearing him preach sometime in the late 1950’s. I recall he had a strong, commanding voice that exhorted the congregation to live in the fear of the Lord.
My dad apparently heard and heeded that message; growing up, we were at church at least three times a week. As a teenager, I served as vice-president of the Methodist Youth Fellowship. But I was not committed to the church. I could not see the need to “go to church.” I remember telling Daddy one Sunday morning that I could worship God better out in the woods. As you might imagine, he wasn’t impressed with my argument.
When I went away from home in 1965 to attend Chipola Junior College in Marianna, Florida, I went away from church as well. At the same time, I was being exposed to new ideas about religion and I felt that since my parents were so obviously wrong about so many other things, they must be wrong about religion, too.
I began to look for God in other places. I looked for a different God than that old, white-haired man sitting on a throne in heaven, thundering orders to His creation, promising eternal torment if we don’t do exactly as He says.
I couldn’t accept that Jesus was His son. Rather, I saw Jesus as an advanced human being. I came to think of Him as just a man like me, but one who had learned some spiritual, mystical secrets. Much of the time, I even doubted that God exists at all.
Some of the places I looked and methods I employed in my search for Truth were very dark places. Some places were not so dark, but what truth was there had been twisted and distorted to deny God’s inherent place as the creator, sustainer, and salvation of the universe, and to place man in God’s place instead.
After graduating college, I searched for more spiritual truth and understanding through the use of mind-altering drugs. I took psychedelic drugs to try and find the meaning of life and to determine if there really was a God. I thought if I could have the right “trip”, I would be able to discover God, understand why the world was here, why I was here, and what it was that I was supposed to be doing.
I realized years later that I had been trying to climb “the stairway to heaven” by going up the back stairway. I came to the realization that particular stairway was a dead end. I learned it is impossible to get into heaven over the fence or through the back door or by means of some secret entrance.
In 1969, God gave me part of the answer I had been seeking. I was on an LSD trip in the middle of the night when He showed me that He does, indeed exist and that He created life on this earth. There is no way I can convey in mere words the power of the vision He showed me. I saw a barren earth— just a ball of mud.
I saw His finger reach out from the heavens and drop a single drop of green at the North Pole. It grew and covered the earth. On the surface, that was it. On a deeper level, He somehow communicated to me through that vision that He created everything, that I was His child and that I had been in rebellion. It was a spiritual rebirth for me.
I was still unable to resume regular church attendance, even though I tried. I continued to experiment with drugs and use them recreationally. I was in search of the remaining answers that had plagued me since I was a child: “What are we doing here? What is life all about? How could I achieve a ‘perfected state of being’ and become an ‘ascended master’ like Jesus and others I had read about?”
You see, I knew there was a God, but I still did not understand anything at all about the Truth and the Way He established before the foundation of the world. I continued to deny the divinity of Jesus Christ and think of Him as merely an evolved man.
I believed that I, too, could achieve a higher spiritual level if I just understood enough, meditated enough, gave up the material things of the world, uncovered the spiritual mysteries hidden in the world’s more arcane religions—not in Christianity, mind you, because I already knew about Christianity and the Bible and I couldn’t see anything worthwhile hidden in them. Little did I know!
I dabbled in foreign, strange religions and in metaphysics. I studied the Sanskrit language so that I could better understand the Hindu religion. I took mind control courses to develop my psychic powers. And I actually had some powerful, undeniable psychic experiences. Thanks be to God, they frightened me so badly that I turned my back on them. But in retrospect, I sincerely believe those experiences opened a door to evil that allowed me to be possessed by a demon or demons for several years.
If Paul is truly chief among sinners, then surely, I must be next in line. I have committed sins of which I will forever be ashamed. Beyond shame, I will take to my grave the anguish of knowing the pain I caused others. I have no doubt that God has forgiven me. He finally told me so in no uncertain terms as I prayed His forgiveness one day about some of my particular sins for the ten-thousandth time.
I clearly heard Him say to me in the spirit, “Drop it. I have forgiven you for that. Don’t bring it up again.” I thank Him for His Mercy and His Grace every time it comes to mind. Without His Mercy and Grace, I would certainly be a totally broken, hopeless wretch today. Facing that kind of despair every minute of every day, I might very well have taken my own life by now.
In 1982, the first of my two sons was born. Their mother, my second wife, had two daughters from a previous marriage and she thought we should get involved in a local church for the good of the children. So, we began to attend a local Methodist church, where I eventually became the Sunday morning liturgist, reading the announcements and Scripture, delivering the offertory prayer and otherwise facilitating the order of worship.
In the four or five years we attended, I led the youth group for a time and taught adult Sunday school every other week. I was elected to the board of directors and then to the office of lay leader, the position which serves as liaison between the pastor and the congregation. I even became a certified Methodist lay speaker and preached a couple of sermons.
All the while, I felt a division inside. I still could not accept the divinity of Jesus. I am ashamed to admit that at times when the congregation recited the Apostle’s Creed, I did not say the words exactly as they were written in the hymnal. Instead of saying, “I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord,” I would say “Jesus Christ, one of His Sons, our Lord.” The hypocrisy I was practicing and the guilt I felt in pretending to believe finally convicted me that I should leave the church, which I did in the late nineteen eighties.
I again sought God’s Truth in New Age religions and attended churches that taught what I then believed – that man does not need Jesus, that we can save ourselves, that God is a power we can manipulate to get what we want our of life. Then, in the early 90’s, I became involved in the study of government and law. I spent many hours in the law libraries at the local courthouse and at several universities.
I was searching for truth in those law studies, too. I was desperate to discover how and why we had lost so many freedoms, how we could regain them, how to shake off the shackles of intrusive government and the insidious control that was invading every area of life. I challenged the system. Eventually, my rebellion landed me in jail.
I was in my third day of incarceration for minor traffic offenses when I had a personal visitation from Jesus. Due to my uncooperative attitude, I was in solitary confinement and allowed only two half-hour periods a day out of the cell. I had to clean my cell in the morning and shower in the afternoon. The guards saw to it that I had no time left for phone calls or to get a book.
After four days in solitary, I was in panic mode. Since I was completely cut off from outside communication, I was not able to report my status to family and friends nor could I receive any spiritual or emotional support from them.
On the third day, I finally managed to get an extra minute or two and I headed straight for the bookshelf. I got a Bible and took it back to my cell. It was a typical jail cell – four bare walls with a sink, toilet and bunk. As I sat down on the bunk, the Bible fell open to Psalm 1:
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.
Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.
As I read those words, tears streamed down my face. There I sat - in jail for walking in the counsel of the ungodly, for listening to those who wanted to practice the sin of rebellion, for practicing scorn against the system of government He had instituted. I raised my eyes, and on the white concrete block wall in front of me, it was as if a window opened. The face of Jesus appeared, glowing with a Holy light. He spoke audibly to me and said, “Stop playing in their system.” I tearfully replied, “Yes, sir.”
That was my moment of salvation. Even though I had “accepted Christ” at about age 14 at YMCA summer camp, I had never been able to give my whole life over to Him. He finally had to put me in a place where I had no diversions, no one else to lean on. He put me on my knees and then He raised me up and in effect, told me, “Go and sin no more.” He made sure there was no longer any doubt in my mind about Who is in charge.
Since that day, He has led me more and more fully into the Truth of His Word. The deeper meanings of the Bible have been opened to me. I had always heard the Bible was written in layers and that as the Spirit leads, you can understand deeper and deeper layers and see greater and greater Truths. Today I can say, “Amen” to that statement.
My understanding that Jesus is not only the Son of God, but is actually God in the flesh came about over many years. I am unable to pin down a specific moment of realization. But today, I no longer doubt that He is Lord.
The key that unlocked the Bible for me was coming to a full realization of the absolute and total Sovereignty of God. He is completely and firmly in control of every detail, from the tiniest to the most momentous. He planned it all and put it into motion. The universe is powered by His agape Love.
Over the years, I have asked many people if they believe God is absolutely sovereign over His creation, over everything and everyone. Most people have enthusiastically answered, “Yes.” I have learned to wait a beat and see if that is all they have to say. The majority of the time, they continue after a minute and say, “But…”
Now wait a minute. If God is absolutely sovereign, there can be no “buts!” He either is, or He isn’t. You can’t have it both ways. “But what about free will?” they ask. My answer to that may not be right, but it’s the only thing that makes any sense to me. My answer is that if we have free will to do whatever we like, then God cannot be totally sovereign. That would make us able to bend His will to our own purposes. Even to thwart His will. So, my understanding is that He allows us the illusion of free will. But that’s another discussion for another day.
Once I came to understand God’s sovereignty, I still wrestled with a concept that had been taught to me as a child and young man in the Methodist church. It had a lot to do with me leaving Christianity again and again over the years. I simply could not reconcile that a child in an undeveloped part of the world, who never even had the opportunity to hear the name of Jesus, would be sent to hell by a loving God to be tortured for eternity.
Over a period of more than 25 years, I have been engaged in deep Bible study with teachers who presented me with another piece of theology that immediately resonated with me the first time I heard the concept. It has changed my life. It may not be what you believe. Each of us has a personal theology that is unique in some respects. I do not say I am right and you are wrong. God gives us to understand what He wants us to understand, when He wants us to understand.
What I have come to understand and believe is that God will redeem His creation in full. That no one will be lost in the end. Not a few, not many, but ALL will be saved. As Paul said, “Every knee will bow, every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.” As Jesus himself said, “If I be lifted up (on the cross) I will draw (or drag) all men to me. ALL men. All means all.
Because God enjoys absolute Sovereignty over his creation, He cannot fail. He’s not going to lose any war or anyone to the devil. He’s going to win! In fact, He has won already because the world was redeemed two thousand years ago through the sacrifice of His Son, the Lamb without blemish. He did it because He loves us – ALL of us – unconditionally! He doesn’t love us to DEATH! He loves us to LIFE! ETERNAL LIFE!
HalleluYah! Amen? Thank you for your time this morning. I pray you will each be blessed by His Grace and Mercy.
Comments by Dr. Bruggeman: I have known Kevin for about 25 years and count him and Julie among my closest friends. Over the years, he had shared with me some of the above portions of his spiritual journey. With much of my teaching now being done online, I trust that our Creator-Father will be leading more and more young people to just “by chance” find this website.
I can picture some of them reading Kevin’s testimony—especially the part about him taking LSD—and thinking, well, he experimented with drugs, and he’s okay. Therefore, I can take my chances and experiment, or use drugs recreationally, and I’ll be okay, too.
PLEASE, do not take that attitude! I remember when I was about 19 or 20 and I witnessed one of my good friends who “dropped acid” twice, and each time he did it, he was literally out of his mind for about 24 hours on a “bad trip.”
Watching him hallucinate and experiencing the most horrifying scenes in his mind for hour after hour was enough to prevent me from ever desiring to “just experiment” with those types of drugs. Now, decades later, Kevin and I have both become well aware of how the CIA, the Tavistock Institute and other very wicked people were behind the whole counter-culture and drug movement in the late 60s and onward. Kevin shared with me that he also experienced several bad trips and that one was particularly horrifying.
We were deceived and so will you be deceived if you go down that path. Additionally, taking drugs is so much more deadly these days—just witness the present opiod crisis. In conclusion, we plead with you: Learn from our mistakes. Do not be fools like we were! Be wise and know that the fear of the LORD (Yahweh-God) is the beginning of wisdom!